Where are Chris' dreads now?
We think we may have found them!
After extensive research and staking out various locations ACROSS the great U.S. of A, Alex and I have come to various conclusions, and have assembled a time line and/or explanation to the mystery of...
Where are Chris' Dreads Now?
Who: Chris "fumanskeeto" Kirkpatrick
What: his nasty dreadlocks
When:*July 4th, 1999 ~ The day Chris chopped his nappy dreads.
Where: Orlando, Florida
We first began our research by attending the place of the insident. "Tammy's 99 cent hair for less salon". As we entered the scummy place on a bum filled area of O-Town we relized our mission wasn't going to be easy. The following is a transcript of our comversation with Tammy, the salon's owner.
Amanda: So Tammy, can you tell us where you were on July 4th around 4 pm?
Tammy: Well I was in the back cookin' up some weiners and gettin' ready to shoot bottle rockets at the bums when my daughter Mary Sue comes runnin' up in the house screamin' about some Rusty Timberpond or something....
Amanda: ma'am, could that have been Justy Timberlake?
Tammy: yeah, thats it.. anyways so shes runnin' around sayin that him and his little buddy were in here lookin' for a hair cut. His little friend sure was strange lookin. He tol' us he wanted to "chop the mop before the lice spreads". Now naturally I don't work on religious holidays such as the 4th of ju-ly but I felt compensated to.
Amanda: you mean compelled to?
Tammy: yeah, thats right, whatever you say.. um, who are you two anyways?
Alex: We're with the GBPD here in Orlando...
Amanda: Here's my badge...
My Ghetto Bitch Police Department Badge
Tammy: oh, I see.. well anyways, I cut the short guy's dreads and stuck them in some of that shampoo stuff so my little mary sue wouldn't get no lice and then the two boys went on there way.
Amanda: Do you remember what happened to the dreads after that ma'am?
Tammy: Well I kinda got rapped up in some other things. You see Steven Floyd (yes, I did steal these names from 'the torkelsons' from the disney channel) was bottle rockets at the dog, and Mary Sue was runnin' all over, and my weiners were burnin, plus we had a couple of more customers come in.
Amanda: I see, and then the dreads we GONE?
So you see, we continued our search but alas, turned up nothing in Orlando. Until we got an anoyomous tip from a woman that led us to Howie D. from the Backstreet Boys. We wanted to grill him and set his greasy head ablaze but we were too scared to get close to him. So we commissioned a security friend of ours with a night stick to pin him down and make him confess.
Security: tell em' you did it
Howie: what are you *twitch* talking about?
Security: We know you did it... we searched Tammy's shop and found this:
Howie: Its not mine I sware, I wasn't even in the U.S on 4th of July
Security: Then where were you huh?
Howie: I was out of the country with my boy..I mean Girlfriend.
Security: yeah right! You having a girlfriend! whats the real story howie huh? *pushing the night stick into his back*
Howie: I WASN'T THERE!
Security: Well where you really?
Howie: Fine! I was in the bahamas with Nick! Me and Him tried to have a romantic vacation ALONE for once!
Howie: thats right, Nick and I have been humping for years, we're coming out of the closet after our next tour. We plan on writing a book together called "growing up backstreet: the troubles of 2 gay teen pop superstars"
Howie: *hugging my security!* please don't tell
Security: bitch you betta step off...
So after being beaten with a night stick, Howie was set free. There must be some other clues that we are over looking. something, someone we missed. We decided to check over our evidence bag again.
Evidence: A Latin Lover card, designed espically for Howie, A empty pizza box, Some twinkie wrappers, a can of half drinken slim fast, some 100 dolla billz (that we confinscated of course) and A O-Town CD (the queers from Making the Band's group)
So What do YOU think? Email us with your ideas to the solution of this case to Busta.Rules@itookmyprozac.com and we'll reveal the solution next week!
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