Episode 11 ~ Mary Sue Jane

The guys were chillin one day in the bus, playing playstation when Lances cell phone rang. It was his old girlfriend from mississippi... Mary Sue Jane.... you see, Mary Sue Jane was lances girlfriend from high school... she just got away from her failed marriage (they marry young ya know..cuz' he's from mississippi) and wanted to see what he was up to. She heard on MTV that they would be in Jacksonville on Saturday, and she wanted to know if he'd like to see her. Lance said that it would be fun to see some old friends, and of course he'd like to see her. Well on Saturday, as they rolled into Jacksonville, poor little lance couldn't have known what was gonna happen.
After the concert, Mary Sue Jane had come to the bus to hang out with the boys. everything was going well until' she asked lance if he wanted to go for a walk with her. Just then.. as they were walking around the venue... Mary Sue Jane grabbed lance and attacked him... kissing him and making him feel wanted. Just like she had always kissed him.. even though they hadn't dated since 9th grade.

He had been waiting for someone to care about him. Since Amanda had left, sure the guys and him had been getting along great, better than they had all year, but he was missing something. He was missing the love that Amanda gave him. Someone to laugh at his jokes and to hold..... thats what Mary Sue Jane was doing.. she wanted to care for him... or so he thought.

So he kissed her back. with reckless abandon, he held her tightly and kissed her.... but the one little problem was, he couldn't shake the image of Amanda from his mind.... he decided it was okay to do that. Mary Sue Jane looked nothing like Amanda though. She was tall with bleach blonde trailer park trash hair... all teased up with hours of carefull pulling and about a case of 'aqua net'.... those mississippi girls. She talked with very poor grammar and had very little education... and had very ugly, rotten, black teeth.
He knew he didn't love her... but somehow... he didn't really want anything but to be held right now. He didn't even like her.. or want her.... but she was there... and Amanda wasn't

The next few months seem like a blur to him. By some strange twist of fate, Mary Sue Jane decided that "she'd love to travel wit y'all lancey" even though he doesn't remember asking her too.

One day sittin' in the back of the bus, watching dukes of hazzard, Lance was looking at Mary Sue Jane, doing the usual... imaging she was Amanda. He did that every waking minute..he just pretended that this ugly shell of a woman was his princess.... when they were kissing.. he pictured her face.. while they were watching TV, he would look over and suddenly she would blur out and Amanda would appear. One night, Mary Sue Jane invited herself into lance's bunk.

He knew she wasn't a virgin, and he vaguely thought that he wasn't either. But the situation ended abrubtly when Mary Sue Jane was whispering 'things' to lance when he inadvertantly moaned out "oh amanda,"
Mary Sue Jane got herself right out of that bunk "faster than a sweaty pig on christmas" (damn mississipians.. make no sense)

Mary Sue Jane had big plans for her and Lance..... and one day... about 2 months after their "reunion"... she told him she wanted to get married. In this.. in this strage schizophrentic haze of life lance had been living in... he decided that this was Amanda asking to get married... not Mary Sue Jane. So he said "okay princess" and the plans were beginning to be made.

No media was told... infact no one was told. Just Mary Sue Jane, Lance, Mary Sue Jane's sister... Maryloo Sue Jane (the maid of honor of course) and Lonnie who would be the witness... they planned on doing it May 4th, Lance's birthday. (happy freakin' birthday right?)... they only had a week to plan. They told lonnie and Maryloo Sue Jane ahead of time, and booked 4 plane tickets to LAS VEGASS!! (on a side note: VIVA LAS VEGAS!!! hehe i love that song)... as the day rolled around, it still hadn't hit lance. YOU'RE MARRYING TRAILER PARK TRASH! but... to no avial, the wedding went on.
Mary Sue Jane however had other plans... she would marry lance, go on the honey-moon, take his virginity...get pregnant so even if he wanted to, he could never leave her. (or so says mississippi marriage law #2784962476539742) then she could have affairs on the side and everything, then if he did divorce her, sue his ass for child support and big ole' hefty percent of his net value
Lonnie tried to tell him.. "lance you need a pre-nup"... "lance, shes gonna steal your money" but everytime, all he would say was "Amanda would never do that to me."
The day before the ceremony, Mary Sue Jane took lance shopping and made him buy her the most expesive ring, dress and lingerie she could find.. after spending nearly 9,000$... she was satified and they went back to the hotel.
The next day was a bright and shining Las Vegas day, Mary Sue Jane and Lance rode in seperate cars to the wedding chapel... (its bad luck to see the bride, even if she is a gold digger, before the wedding)
They finally got there and the ceremony began